FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Nanny Piggins, is it a burden to be so beautiful?
Yes, yes it is. I don’t mind that people stare at me. But when men throws themselves at my feet and beg me to marry them it can be very tiresome, particularly if I am on the way to the sweet shop and don’t wish to be delayed.
What advice would you give to anyone considering a career as a flying pig?
Don’t be so foolish! I am already the world’s greatest flying pig. If you want to do something – you should do something new that nobody else is the world’s best at yet.
What is the best way to get a chocolate stain out of a dress?
Wear a brown dress. Then you won’t have to concern yourself and you can just enjoy the chocolate.
How can you tell if a cake is really good?
Eat it all very quickly. Then if there’s any doubt make another one and eat that too. Repeat this process. And eventually your cake will be delicious because you will have had so much practice.
Letter to her fans
Dear Devoted Fans,
You are probably wondering how my biography, ‘The Adventures of Nanny Piggins’, came to be written. But the better question is – how could it not be written? After all, I have had a staggeringly interesting life. ( I know, it is nice to be modest. But it is also wrong to lie).
The author of this book, R.A. Spratt, begged for years to write about me. But I always said ‘no’. At first I said ‘no’ because I didn’t want the Police to find out about some of the things I’ve done. Then I said ‘no’ because I could not be bothered sitting and talking to her. Then I said ‘no’ because the Ringmaster at the circus threatened to sue me if I said anything bad about him.
But Ms Spratt was not deterred. She is quite plucky for a human, although I do wish she would do something about her hair. Anyway, she had the idea of focusing on the most recent part of my life. From the time I came to look after the Green children; Derrick, Samantha and Michael (Green is their name, not their colour).
I immediately recognized this as a brilliant concept. From the state of modern society it was obvious to me that humans are terrible at raising their own children. They clearly have no idea what they are doing. And they would all benefit from a book about child rearing written from a pig’s perspective.
And I was right. Which is why ‘The Adventures of Nanny Piggins’ is more than a biography - it is infobiopigtainment. It is educational for parents. Thrilling for children. And revealing for pigs, as it confirms our worst suspicions, that humans are dirty greedy creatures.
Nanny Piggins F.P. (Flying Pig)
Nanny Piggins' Message
The Brilliant Illustrator of the US edition of 'The Adventures of Nanny Piggins'
Dan Santat is not just an illustrator. He is a genius (and I do not bandy this term around lightly like those big-noters at Mensa).
You see, most artists struggle to capture true beauty on the page. And yet, in illustrating the US edition of the “The Adventures of Nanny Piggins” Dan has done just that. Not only does he make me look as exciting, glamorous and athletic as I really am. He also does a fabulous job of drawing my clothes. Which is not to be sniffed at. Michelangelo may have painted the Sistine Chapel, but he was terrible at depicting clothing, which is why he always painted people naked or wearing bed sheets. I will be forever grateful to Dan for not drawing me wearing a bed sheet.
Therefore, I highly recommend that you look at Dan’s website by clicking on the adjacent illustration.
Nanny Piggins Shortbread Cookies (Police Sergeant Mood Enhancers)
Obviously bribing a police officer is wrong. But if your local Police Sergeant loves freshly baked short bread cookies as much as mine does, then I advise you to have a batch of these ready at all times. It’s not so much a bribe as a mood enhancer. Experience has taught me that nothing makes the Police Sergeant forget what he is cross about as quickly as a mouthful of shortbread.
- 175 grams of butter
- 110 grams of caster sugar
- 200 grams of plain flour
- 25 grams of semolina flour
- a little caster sugar for dusting
- Preheat the oven to 150°C
- Lay a sheet of baking paper on a cookie tray.
- Beat the butter and sugar together with a wooden spoon.
- Add the flour and semolina flour and keep beating .
- Then abandon the spoon and knead with your hands until you have a dough. (Don’t be afraid to get messy. It will be fun to lick off later).
- Sprinkle some caster sugar on the bench then roll out the dough.
- Cut out shapes using festive cookie cutters (or you can use letter shapes if you need to send someone a rude message). Then lay your shapes out on the cookie tray.
- Use a fork to prick the shortbread shapes in the middle or they will rise up while baking.
- Bake in the oven 25 to 30 minutes, or until they start to go brown around the edges.
- Remove your cookies from the oven, lay them out on a cooling rack and dust them with caster sugar for extra crunchiness.
- Eat and enjoy, and share with any law enforcement officer who has just kicked in your door.
Happy Christmas and Happy Baking